You're not sure if one day when you've had enough, would you be strong enough to walk away for a better future ?

One of the worst things is when
You spent years building a solid bridge of friendship
And someone you love and trust
Sets off an explosion that collapses the bridge
In a matter of seconds
All those years and months ruined in split seconds
And you hate him for that but you can't stop loving him
And you're left scrambling for materials
To try and mend the bridge
Before the friendship is lost.
But you know that where the bridge was broke and no matter how much you try to mend, it would never be the same as before.
Not just that, but the trust has been broken now. Tainted

wouldn't it be easier to

Waking up to nothing when you're super far from home
And I watch you fall asleep at night and lay there on my own
Got me begging for affection, all you do is roll your eyes
Broken down, I've had enough
If this is love, I don't want it

Maybe I'll just put everything in my luggage and go home

Never felt so alone in my life.

Have I told you
How much I love your hands
How safe I feel when they encase mine
When they wrap all the way around my waist
Oh Scott. 

drunk in pleasure

Warm nights
Cool nights
Hands intertwined
Light breeze
Purple sky

Let me explain
This ugliness, this cruelty, this repulsiveness
It will all die out
And now, I cry for all that is beautiful

What happened
To that goofy and lovable smile
We used to know back then

Jiaqi and I
we miss you

but is this the you that we miss?

Hope you are well
and that you're happy
more than you've ever been

Even if you're not the same person anymore
You'll always be in our hearts

I love my life now.
The life of a poly student waiting for grad HUAT AHHHH
I love having time for myself,
Having time for my friends, 
Having time for my family,
Having time to exercise,
Having time to chill and be alone to reflect,
Yet having time to work
I love my freelance design,  it gives me freedom to decide 
how to provide my client with a suitable solution, in my own way.
Of course still need guidance, super thankful to have cg guiding me along, best mentor ever. (: 
Yet I still love banquet.
My first part time job, still my job until now, 4 years later hahahha.
Tiring but love it. 
Love going back, love getting to tou chi food
Getting to know other part timers
Gossiping, working tgthr,
Getting into fights cuz some people are such slackers
Etc.

My goals now:
Need to sort out my moral values. 
My own personal values too.
Give back to the community, do some charity work.
Get rid of material things I don't need
seriously my family likes to hoard stuff zzz
Finish this client job WELL
One of the most exciting and fun ones hehehhehe
Try and stop going to zouk
Fix my body clock back to normal
Take care of cousins more, bring them out to play etc
Achieve all fitness goals(toned thighs, tight ass, flat tummy, ab definitions, toned arms)
But how to maintain the boobs when I go swimming idk how ah
They just get smaller if i swim alot HAHHAHAHAHA
Say goodbye to him, this cannot continue. 
TAIWANNNNNN

My goals in future:
I have alot can't even rmb some. 
Decent designer.
Pottery, krav maga, play like sungha jung(after a year of learning still so noobieeee)
Learn piano, freehand calligraphy. 
Too many things i wanna learn.
Maybe online craft store, love crafting too much.
Polygon Heist 5.0 WHOOHOOOOO

Future future goals:
Snowflake white Mazda 3 hehehhehe if i can afford
Family? Husband? Baby?
Don't know 
Take it one step at a time :D 

fangsin
francine????
fiona????
WHAT ENGLISH NAME WOULD SUIT ME LEY
you know like if you found one that you really really love
you'll be like
YASSSSS THIS IS THE ONE!!!
but now im just like
oh this one ah, not too bad lah
Charlotte, Charlee, Sherilyn, Eva, Dia,
Arial, Esther, Nicole, Aleese, Julee,
Kandice, Lyeese, Coral, Cedar, Audrey,
Mandice, Driliane, Foria, Garlot(wtf is this even),
Bree, Fey, Fen, Diana, Elena, Mia, Marvys,
Darcy, Keryl, Firia, Oceania HAHAHA,
Bluera HAHAHHAHAHA, LOL IDK ANYMORE

The hurt and confusion

I hope to fall in love with a guy who

不知道 我在做什么 不知不觉 已经

I realized I probably won't even be able to tell you.
That I'm sorry for hurting you so badly.
I still see the way you look at me when you're with her.
Don't hurt her,
Like how I did to you.
I understand now,
Just how much I'd hurt you.
She will love you
And take care of you
Like how you did for me.
And she will do it more
Than I ever did for you.
She will heal the wounds
I left on you.
I'm sorry.
But please
Don't hurt her.

Heaven


the space between your collarbone and your neck
where your scent
heady and comforting
fills my head

drowning my thoughts
where worries melt
and anxiety didn't seem to exist anymore

where I snuggle
and float in bliss
your arm around my waist
anchoring me down


Heaven.

My memories of you

Wanna do it all again.
But I've already said, 
Goodbye.

You made me feel that I was special to you, I just cant wait until we're kissing,
It felt so good, the time spent I with you

I have the bike helmet fetish
Mtbikers are dammmm sexy in their full helmets when they pro bike
DAM SEXXXYYY
Motorbikers are dam sexyyy too
You know those powerfully built bikes
Full black
Helmet
OOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

If I've had the choice to take the motorbike
or the car,
I'll pick the bike. 
I'm still in the rebel stage
When I need excitement, adrenaline, danger
Instead of stability and commitment
GUESS I HAVEN'T GROWN UP HAHA
AHAHHAHA
HA
HA
HA
HA
HA!!!!!!!

I'm sorry if I'm breaking your heart.
I really am.
But I don't deserve such kindness,
And you know you can do better
She's out there for you somewhere
One whom you'll KNOW
That's she's totally
Completely
Three hundred percent certain
She's for you
Instead of this passing glimpse of uncertainty
I hope you understand 
And I'm grateful for all the kindness you've showed me till now
She'll be a happy, fun person
The way you want her to be
One that'll dote on you as much as you do to her
Not like how I don't
One that'll appreciate every little thing you do for her
Not like how I don't sometimes
She'll be someone whom you can built your dreams with
Not me whom will insist my way
She and you will have the best chemistry ever
Which keeps both of you rattling on to each other
Talking and laughing over each others' words
Not how you struggle to talk to me nervously
Not how it's always only me rattling on
You'll be at ease with her
Because you can be yourself
And she'll accept you for who you are
Most of all, 
She will love you as you love her
Not the way that I don't
love you back

Depressed since friday.
Kept crying when I'm alone since yesterday.

《等一個人咖啡》Cafe Waiting Love


他一直 都在你面前
只是 你没发现
还一直 往另外一个方向
找可以给你？给你什么
how to say ah
not 一切
but all the love and security the laughter
the fights the nights you share your secrets

可是 晚发现
好过 没发现 （：

/


I miss him

stuuuupid.


The time zone, is set as Pacific Time Zone and then
I realized that all this while,
blogger has been posting my posts at wrong times. 
Like now, 11:29PM, if I don't manually set it myself
It'll show as posted around 7:30AM or somewhere around there 
LIKE SERIOUSLYYYY
HOW TO CHANGE TIME ZONE AHHH
CANNOT CHANGE LEH
ZZZ

You.


I think I'm falling for you.

Kiss me like you wanna be loved


"I'm falling for your eyes, but they don't know me yet"

Lyrics from Kiss Me by Ed Sheeran.
Throughout the entire song, it sounds like she was right beside him,
but why this sentence then? Like she has seen him before alr mah, 
so why does her eyes not know him yet? 
Or is it dont know me(well) yet? 
HAHAHA IDK 
beating myself up on this sentence 
when I have other things to do!

K bye

Confessions


confession #1
I dislike interacting with people early in the morning otw to school.
In the train/bus, it's my waking up time.
I need the entire way to school to wake up.
So if you see me otw, please pretend you didnt see and don't talk to me HAHAHHA

confession #2
If you mix a bunch of different nuts together in a container(which is what my mom did) in a bid to make me eat in moderation, it's not gonna work man. I've alr finish off the pistachios, otw to finishing the cashews wheeeeeeee

confession #3
I'm an extremely private person. I used to have this friend from sec school, who'd always told me not to bottle up my feelings and keep it all to myself because it feels better when you share it with someone else. I think I've gotten alot better, and i'm starting to really open up. Which brings me to this friend in

confession #4
This friend from secondary school. We drifted during the poly years, and I missed her alot. I was an immature brat, and this friend kept me grounded and looked after me and was really really nice friend. In fact, she was one of the nicest people i've met ever. She's kind, friendly and just a tad shy that makes her so cute and lovable. I don't know how she stood my bullshit. I just wanna thank you for all the times you guided me and stood by me, and took care of me, and it was fun to have someone to link arms with everyday when I go to school. I miss you and I love you and I hope you are doing extremely well and having alot of fun in school and with ahem. hehe.

confession #5
I can't seem to open up to you. Like when we text, you're one of the hardest person to hold a conversation with, I think partly because of my barriers. You remind me of him.

Friend.


I'm know my spot in this friendship is getting replaced.
By someone who could be closer to you, 
someone who understands the work you are going through 
and is actually just right there, in your class.
While I'm all the way across school, at the opposite end.
I understand.
I tried hard to keep this together, believe me.
I put my anger away everytime, and stuff it deep down.
Put my ego away.
Put down the disappointment.
But apparently everytime I give what time 
I had to try to keep everything together,
You wouldn't be able to come out with us
Understandably
That you were very busy
And entirely not
Because
They said
"They would've made time, even as little as they could, if they wanted to"
You almost never did.
There were so many times.
That you could've done so.
I'm used to it already.
I want to believe that I almost don't care anymore.
If that's the way its gonna end up, it's gonna end up like that then.
It takes two hands to clap.
It still matters to me alot
A long term friendship like that
But I hope it won't hurt me,
Or matter as much soon.

I picked 2 & 5, and hell was it true.




http://www.gosocial.co/path-to-your-future/

Serenity


I've always been disciplined when it comes to getting work done,
But nowadays I'm just stuck in my head
In my dreams to get away from all the concrete
To disappear to a place where crystal clear waters
That sparkle brightly in the sunlight
Were real
Where endless plains and rolling hills
Rich, fresh and green
Stretching for miles to the horizon
The vast sky
With fluffy white sheep prancing around the blue
A little cottage in a great big world
Of green and earth
A place where all these are real

A place where I can be real
A reality that lives in the shape of my dreams
Waiting to become reality

I'm grateful for everything he taught me.

I grew up with little parental guidance. 

Many things I wanna say
But I'm too lazy

School's starting tmr btw
I feel the blues.

Some friend


You know there was always you.
And that you hold an important place in my life as one of my closest friends
But.
Somehow it changed along the way.
You couldn't be there for me like how I was for you
You just like couldn't make time
And then when you had no one else,
You would come looking for me
The way you talk
Is not like,
Considering anyone else's feelings but your own
Like you're hinting that things should go your way
What did you ask me the other day?
Fuck, ask nicely lah.
What shit.
Just fuck off and find someone else to go with you lo.
Anyway, I'll be giving my attention to others who deserve it more
People who actually cares
And you know that I'm not the kind that can actually give alot of attention
Im a very solitary person who needs recharge time
The fact that im willing to put aside that time for you when im at my most mentally drained
But yet
Its ok man
You can go do whatever you want

Blessings


Blessed.

FEELING NOW : TOMBOY


So the other day

Somewhere


Somewhere along the way I lost myself
I was doing well and then,
Suddenly I'm torn with wanting to be alone
And wanting to be people
And it fucks me up
Completely.

Life


Stressed with the job

Dearest Friend,


Over the many years,
From the first day we've met
I've always saw the spark in you,
which all you thought was a black hole,
Eating away inside at you,
Delving deeper,
But the little faint light of hope was there
Just waiting for you to ignite it
Because you could be so much more
I knew you could
And maybe somewhere along the way
You realized you could
And you finally did
You've managed to leave the bitterness behind
The pain, the hurt
And now with so many people who love you surrounding you
I no longer feel your presence
Hear your horrible jokes
Or feel that arm sling comfortably over my shoulders
Like an armrest
Because you tower like a skyscraper
One with a tuff of redheaded frizz on top
Making me look up and see your face
Framed with brightly lit skyscrapers behind and the cloudy night sky
I will miss you
And that is all that I will do

As someone who has watched you struggle
Fighting against the demons within
Still you had kindness within you
To take care of the people around you
Even with the hurt raging within
Now that you've become happy
I'm proud of you
And I'm happy for you
I really am.

A Four Second Crush


So I was in bishan this morning.
And I was walking through the bus interchange. 
And as I was walking my eyes met this dude's 
Staring at me
He was sitting on the metal rail, waiting for bus with a bunch of friends
His head tilted at an angle to look past his friend, looking straight into my eyes
Until I walked past him.
It was like a 4 second eye contact
With a beautiful boy
Honest face, boy next door type, lean build

Its interesting how eye contact with a total stranger 
can be so enchanting sometimes

I hope he has a good day ahead

So tired.

Homeland?


I think im born in the wrong place.

I'm the kind who'll scream in delight at grassy hills that roll all the way across the horizon;
And i'll launch myself at the green green grass and tumble all around;
Resting to stare at the endless sky blue above

I'm the kind who'll throw myself into crystal waters all float the day away;
Chasing after fishies and chilling on the fine sand, blowing bubbles below the surface.
Staring at the sun rays filtering through the waters
My heart belongs underwater

I'm the kind who loves to work with my hands.
I love crafts of any kind.
Born to a sculptor or potter or crafter of some sort
A hunter maybe
That'll be cool.

I'm not the kind who likes to sit in front of a computer all day long
Not moving
Straining my tired eyes
Or picking up calls
Or any service line
But Singapore's jobs prolly revolve all around these

I want to learn to fight
I want to play a guitar well
I want to learn survival skills for the wild
I want to bike well
I want to swim really well
I want to learn pottery
I want to improve my illustrations
I want to learn bio and geography


So restless /

Please stop trying to intrude into my personal space.
You need to know when to stop.
As a friend I know you're prolly trying to mean well,
but its as if you're vying for attention 24/7.
Don't.
It makes me tired.

This blogskin is so simple. 
Simple, in neither the good or bad way.
I LOVED MY PREVIOUS BLOGSKIN
But the last time I'd checked, the background had become the imageshack tiles,
you know the ones with a very ugly yellow frog on it????

So in memory of it
It was default titled "Everytime it rains, you're the one to blame"
It's a GORGEOUS skin i tell you
Drop dead gorgeous. 
Anyway, it was the princess gothic type
Princess gothic as in NOT entirely black and punk with pink frilly ribbons
But Avril Lavigne style princess gothic
But it had this country-ish feel to it too, 
there were light brown hues against a beige foolscap style bg
Beautiful princess goth graphic above it
with flowers and butterflies
No not the kiddy kind,
but the abstract kind

It was a mix of everything really
Like how i am, a jack of all trades

This new skin is ok.
Its new, its white, its simple.
People say simplicity is the best, 
but i don't exactly roll that way sometimes.
Change is good though. 

Cheerios

Dreams


1// POTTER